The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
I’ve been on a Hawk Nelson music kick lately. Well, it usually happens when I’m traveling alone in the car. We were on our way to Laramie, a town about two hours away from where we lived. During this trip, we dropped off our last daughter at college. Oh. My. Heart.
I was driving my car and my husband was riding with our daughter. Hence the marathon of Hawk Nelson. All of their music is burned onto our HDD player in the car since there is little phone or radio coverage along most of that drive (and I’m not ‘hip’ enough to download a playlist onto Spotify and use the aux cord to play it over my car stereo).
During this two-hour drive, the song Every Beat of My Broken Heart played. And then I played it over and over and over. The Lord was laying on my heart, and I was so very deeply feeling, the brokenness of so many women I know.
We seem to be of broken spirit even more so in the last couple of years
We are wrought with loneness, enveloped with sadness, burdened by sickness, lingering effects of trauma… hurting, Christian women.
I think of my own brokenness in walking through ten lonely years of a difficult adoption. How we tried to give her every opportunity which was so often met with lies, manipulation, and rejection. Day after day after day I became worn, just trying to make it through.
There are too many stories of friends’ hardships that I cannot share publicly. You could add to this list, I’m sure, gut-wrenching brokenness.
The thing is, all of us when we were younger, had hopes of what our lives would be like. If we were blessed to find a husband, we didn’t plan for them to be sick for 14 years caring for them. We didn’t plan for them to pass on and leave us all alone. We didn’t plan to lose our babies before they even left our wombs. We didn’t plan for our spouse’s utter betrayal leaving us to pick up the pieces. And for me, I didn’t plan on adopting to then be rejected and subject to such trauma and chaos. We didn’t plan for, nor did we want, these hardships to be part of our story. We planned and hoped for a wonderful, good life.
Then in the song, these words spoke to me:
What if it had to be broken
Before my heart could be opened.
Maybe the shattered parts
Are the places where your love starts.
And now, I am closer to where you are
With every beat of my broken heart.
As much as I don’t want to be broken, what if I had to be broken so that my heart could be opened to Jesus’ love?
What if those shattered parts of me needed to be shattered so that I would have a deep, deep need for Him?
Wouldn’t I choose to be closer to Him?
Would I choose Him over a perfectly ordered life, to obedient children, to a husband to walk with, to less trauma, to good health, to whatever?
Would I?
Do I choose Him above all else?
Life Application
Friend, if you are there right now, in the midst of the hurting. I invite you to cry out to the Lord right where you are. Cling onto Him. May He strengthen your heart, and may He give you comfort and the courage to face each day. Know that He is with you. He knows your story. He knows your deepest desires. He alone knows the ending. And, He wants all of you.
Open your Bible to read Psalm 34:18 and Psalm 56.
Recommendations
Whether Hawk Nelson is your cup of tea or not, take a listen to Every Beat of My Broken Heart. Let the Lord of the universe fill you with His love. Let Him meet you in your brokenness.
Take comfort and hope in this excerpt from December 22nd devotion from Streams in the Desert by Cowman.
Know that He who passed through the horror of the darkness of Calvary, with the cry of forsakenness, is ready to bear you company through the valley of the shadow of death till you see the sun shining upon its farther side. Let us, by our Forerunner, send forward our anchor. Hope, with the veil that parts us from the unseen; where it will grapple in ground and will not yield, but hold until the day dawns, and we will follow it into the haven guaranteed to us by God’s immutable counsel.
F.B. Meyer
