This morning when I came downstairs for my coffee and devotions, I stepped on a piece of popcorn.
I looked around the kitchen floor and saw pieces of popcorn everywhere.
The kids had made popcorn yesterday, enjoyed it with friends, made a mess, and didn’t clean up. The teen that was supposed to sweep the floor, hadn’t.
We had instructed said child to sweep the floor before bed, and we had gone to bed ourselves, assuming it would be done.
But it wasn’t.
Despite dawn barely breaking and the house still tucked in sleep, I felt the immediate desire to rip my teen out of bed to come to finish the work that hadn’t been done.
But knowing it’s never a great start to begin the day with angry words, I instead sat down to pray and process my thoughts.
I find this one of the most challenging aspects of parenting…
When to toe the line and when to give mercy.
When to acknowledge that the standard wasn’t met and when to acknowledge that they are trying.
When to keep strict consequences and when to keep in mind that growing up is messy and no one will do it without bumps along the way.
I tell my husband nearly every day that I wish raising teens would be more clear-cut. I wish I knew what to do and when to do it. Some areas are crystal clear, the standard obvious and held consistently, but other areas are gray and muddy.
I waffle between wanting disciplined obedience that follows rules, meets standards, completes all tasks on time, AND KEEPS MY HOUSE CLEAN!! But also wanting to choose my battles, to remember that change doesn’t happen overnight, to be sensitive to the struggle into adulthood, and to recognize how hard it is even for grown adults to prioritize unwanted tasks (hasn’t my own laundry been sitting in the basket unfolded for weeks??).
When I struggle with what to do and how to respond to my kids, I often come back to the picture of God as our Father.
He deals with us so kindly.
He is patient with our failures. He rejoices in our slow, baby-step growth. He forgives us 70 x 7. He clothes us in Christ’s righteousness and gives us a gift we could never earn. He loves us despite our countless flaws. He showers us with grace, love, and mercy. He does not deal with us as our sins deserve.
But He also asks us to do hard things. He asks us to deny ourselves. He calls us to obey His word, to honor our parents, to sacrifice, to serve. He beckons us to run the race set before us, whether easy or not. He beseeches us to follow after wisdom’s ways, and to beware of the path of the fool.
As my husband and I wrestle through parenting a house full of young adults, I am learning that God most likely put this tension there on purpose. It seems that God designed parenting such that we would feel that tug between both ends of the spectrum.
That tug keeps us balanced.
It keeps us from going too far one way. We need both.
We need to both rest and work. We need to practice both mercy and justice. We are called to follow the law and also to bask in His grace. They are not opposites. They are partners.
I can see that this tension causes us to constantly seek Christ for wisdom.
It keeps us from proudly thinking we’ve got this figured out, keeps us from being too hard or too easy, keeps us from holding an impossible standard or changing standards constantly, and keeps us from demanding respect while not also being willing to give respect.
How I both love and hate this tension. I see its wisdom, yet hate the struggle.
Lord, help me. Help me as I sit in the middle of this mess (literal and figurative!). Help me to be faithful and to parent with kindness and love. Keep me from falling too hard one way. Keep me from provoking my children to wrath with either inconsistency or unrealistic expectations. Help me to give the firm words at the right times, and to give those words gently and gracefully. Help me to see their strengths and not to harp on weaknesses.
If you’re wondering — I let him sleep. We had a talk. And he swept the floor before breakfast.
