Glenna Marshall

The Failure of Self-sufficiency

I am one of those people you might call “Type A.” Driven, busy, a self-starter. I almost feel guilty if I’m not being productive. I know a lot of women who fit that description. We keep our plates full because we struggle to believe things can go on without us. Self-sufficiency is something I’ve long subscribed to. I don’t like to ask for help. I don’t want to be needy. I don’t like to feel that parts of my life are out of my control. I’ve lived a lot of my adult years with a white-knuckled grip of control that seemed to perpetually slip through my fingers. But self-sufficiency failed me when the hopes I had for my life dissipated beneath the crushing weight of things like infertility, chronic illness, and loneliness. Oddly enough, it was the loss of control in my life that led to a deeper relationship with the Lord.  

The Illusion of Control

As a pastor’s wife and a speaker who travels the country to teach at women’s conferences and retreats, I’ve realized that many women struggle with fear of lost control. It comes out in different ways: grief, anger, anxiety, doubt. But we all desire to hold on to the one thing that we can’t: control. And that’s because we were never meant to. We can wear all the hats, keep all the plates spinning, check all the to-do lists, and consider ourselves the glue that holds our families together (which may, in fact, feel very true to both our families and us). But in the end, control is an illusion, and blessedly so. For we serve a God that truly holds all things together.

The One Holding All Things Together

In Colossians 1, Paul describes Jesus in a way that leaves you without a doubt about His superiority over all things. Not only was the universe created through Christ, but it is also in Him that all things hold together (see Col. 1:17). The author of Hebrews words it similarly: “He upholds the universe by the word of His power” (Heb. 1:3). Both writers are saying the same thing: Jesus is holding the universe in place. Nothing is happening outside of His control.

There’s not a planet or star out of bounds. There’s not a cell in your body that’s beyond the authority of Christ. This should be a comfort to us control freaks! We don’t have it in us to control the weather or the rotations and revolutions of the planets. But Jesus does. We don’t have it in us to dictate precisely how our days should go or to write the story of our lives exactly as we think they should be written. But Jesus does. And He is. He has. He is holding all things together. The universe itself is upheld by the word of His power. That means there is nothing in our lives that is beyond the bounds of His knowledge, control, and care.

The Savior Who Intercedes

So, if He allows challenges, suffering, trials, we can trust Him with those things. None of them are spinning outside of the control of the One who made us, died for us, and is currently sitting at the right hand of the Father interceding for us (see Heb. 7:25). That’s right: Jesus is praying for you. If nothing is outside of His control and if He is praying for you, then why do you need to grasp for control or feel anxious about your current circumstances?

I used to think being self-sufficient was a good thing, but it’s not if it robs me of my trust in my Savior who is upholding the entire created universe. The thing is, He’s in control whether I acknowledge it or not. So, all the worry and fear about what might happen or what could happen? A complete waste of time.

I don’t know about you, but my desire to call all the shots (and my subsequent failure thereof) unearthed a very anemic view of Jesus in my heart. Those years of feeling calm when things went according to plan and frazzled when they didn’t were also the years when I neglected my Bible the most. But when the pregnancy test wouldn’t turn positive, when the doctors couldn’t fix me, when friendships were hard to find, when chronic illness became a lifestyle—well, my self-sufficiency came to a decisive end. I realized that any control I thought I had over my life and family was an illusion that faded with my inability to mold the future according to my desires.

The God Who Is Trustworthy

I had nowhere to turn. So I turned to my Bible. I began reading the book of Isaiah and wrote down whatever the text told me about God’s character. I filled a spiral notebook. Then I moved to the gospel of John and did the same. Then Exodus. Then Psalms. The years passed and the spiral notebooks stacked up. And my view of the capable God who loves me and sent His Son to die for me expanded and grew. My grip on the illusion of control weakened. And for the first time in my adult life, I learned to trust God with my trials. With His “no’s” to certain prayers. With my suffering. With the hard days when I didn’t know what to do. With the nights that were full of pain or fear. I learned that He is both sovereign and good, and that if I can trust Him to keep the planets in their places, I can trust Him to work all things for good in my life.

If you’re struggling today with the fear of lost control, let me help you loosen your grip a little. Jesus is holding all things together. And He’s really good at it.

Open your Bible today. Start reading a little each day and jotting down what you learn about Him. The more you know Him, the more you’ll trust Him. He’s holding all things together.

About

Glenna is a pastor's wife, mom of two boys, musician, and writer. She has a long-term relationship with infertility which resulted in a long-term relationship with adoption. She has some chronic illnesses and is regularly learning to trust the Lord with her life, one day at a time. She is the author of three books: The Promise is His Presence: Why God is Always enough; Everyday Faithfulness; and Memorizing Scripture: The Basics, Benefits, and Blessings of Meditating on God's Word.