Brenda

Brenda Szymczak lives at the base of Casper Mountain in Casper, Wyoming. She and her husband, Pete, have one son and five daughters, and one precious baby grandson. She has served in various capacities in both women's and children’s ministry since 2002 and is currently the Director of Women’s Ministry at Cornerstone E-Free Church. Brenda enjoys creating art with her words by writing poems, stories, scripts, and devotionals. She has a passion for helping women navigate the seasons of life that are both bitter and sweet by knowing the truth found in God’s Word and clinging to Jesus Christ through this journey. She enjoys God’s beautiful creation with outdoor activities including camping, hiking, paddle-boarding, cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, and watching her husband flyfish the beautiful rivers and lakes in Wyoming.

  • Love Letters

    The heavens declare the glory of God, and the expanse proclaims the work of his hands. Day after day they pour out speech; night after night they communicate knowledge.” Psalm 19:1

    My roommates and I were bored one afternoon so we decided to use our creative talents to write a love letter. The recipient was a very handsome young man who lived upstairs from us. The letter turned into a poem propelled by giddy girls with rhyming words. When we went to deliver the letter, we ran into a slight problem. We couldn’t sneak it under his door because the door was wide open. So we ran downstairs, disguised ourselves with hats, scarves and sunglasses, folded the letter into a paper airplane then returned and launched it through the front door. We laughed about it all evening, imagining his response and wondering if he’d discover who wrote it.

    On the other end of that letter was a college student who was in his kitchen washing dishes when out of the corner of his eye he saw something fly through the air. He enjoyed the letter, read it several times, and showed it to his wrestling teammates on the bus when he left that afternoon for a tournament. His curiosity was peaked, but there was one huge problem with this love letter. It was anonymous. He couldn’t respond or pursue a relationship with an unknown person.

    In the Sky

    The first love letter God wrote was also anonymous. It’s what scholars refer to as “general revelation.” We call it creation. Ever since the world began, God displayed His beauty in the skies, on the mountainsides, in the rolling seas, in unique animals, and in the breath of every newborn baby. He created all these things we enjoy for a reason. That purpose is to stir a longing in our hearts to know Who created them. Creation was never meant to be worshiped but to draw our hearts to our Creator.

    Romans 1 reminds us that ever since the creation of the world God’s invisible attributes have been clearly seen through what He has made, so we are without excuse if we don’t know Him. Even if God had remained anonymous- and we never knew His name- we would have known there was a God because of His creation. But God didn’t remain unknown. He chose to reveal Himself to us through His written word.

    A few months after the delivery of our love letter, another friend decided it was time to tell the recipient who wrote the letter. She asked if he enjoyed the paper airplane then pointed her finger at me and winked. I’m quite sure my face turned several shades of red, but he just smiled sweetly and said “Oh– it’s you.” Now, he knew the author’s name. And that was the beginning of our relationship that led to our marriage almost 30 years ago.

    In His Word

    Specific revelation is found in God’s Word. The heavens declare His glory, the Bible declares His name- and so much more. From the opening line in Genesis, we see a Triune God creating the world. As the story continues, we see a perfect God who desires justice in His world and obedience from His children. We quickly discover the failure of “man” to be faithful to God and consequences for sin. But we also immediately see God respond with astonishing patience, mercy and grace. This pattern continues throughout Scripture.

    Every page in His Word reveals a God who relentlessly pursues His children. The same God who lives in the high and lofty heavens also chooses to dwell permanently with His children. Scripture reveals a God who approaches the outcasts, oppressed and abandoned then tenderly cares for their needs. He rescues the lost, heals the ailing and redeems the broken.

    As we come to know the Author of Scripture, we are amazed with His faithfulness and His steadfast love that covers our unfaithfulness. The letters humble us with conviction then cover us with grace. They challenge us to repent and obey- not to earn God’s favor but out of hearts overflowing with gratitude and love for God. Our greatest desire becomes glorifying His name.

    I’ve been reading and studying His Word daily for almost 30 years and have realized I’ll never be able to mine the depths of the riches found in the Bible. Every time I read the Bible I gain understanding about its Author, and just when I think I can’t possibly revere or love Him more, I do!

    Mystery Solved

    God never intended to remain anonymous. His plan to reveal Himself to us in His Word uncovered the mystery behind a broken world that needed redeemed and an unfathomable act of love. That plan to reconcile His wayward children to Himself came at an incredible cost. The price He paid for us to be in a right relationship with Him was the death of His beloved Son.

    All these truths are missed if you enjoy the beauty of creation but never pursue the Creator. You know there is an author of all things beautiful, but you don’t know who He is. The danger of wondering who the author is without actually finding Him is that you create a God of your own imagination but miss the One who is real. You never come to know the Author of life without opening His Letter to you.

    The next time you see the sun bursting over the eastern horizon or coloring the western sky at dusk, think of your Creator. The beauty in the sky is the beginning of His love letter to you. It beckons you to seek the One who constantly pursues your heart. When you seek Him, you will find Him. And chances are you will fall deeply in love with Him.

    READ MORE

  • One Step Between Me and Death

    “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts you.” Isaiah 26:3

    God’s Perfect Peace

    Have you ever faced a moment when you believed your death was imminent- just a step away? My dear friend, Charleen, had three days to prepare for what she believed would be the end of her life.

    Her countless years of dwelling with the Lord allowed her to spend those three days in perfect peace. Knowing God, reflecting on His faithfulness, and clinging to the promises found in His Word brought forth calmness instead of fear. She trusted His will- even if it meant her life would soon end.

    When fear and anxiety could have easily wreaked havoc, she chose to trust and hope instead. And she used those three days to continue a legacy she started- making sure it would endure even in her absence. Every week for several years she sent her grandchildren a Scripture verse or truth from Scripture for them to consider. She didn’t want this “ministry” to end. So, she spent what she believed would be her final days filling tablets of Bible verses for her husband to send their grandchildren every week.

    Only a Step

    Excerpt from Rest a While by Fredrik Wisloff:

    “Only a step. We attach but little importance to a step.  Every day we take countless steps that are unnecessary.  A step requires such small effort that we think nothing of it.  And yet, there is but a short step between me and the unknown called death.  In view of this, what folly to live with unforgiven sins!  Within a few minutes I may find myself standing before the throne of God. Since there is but a step between me and death, there must never be a step between me and Jesus.  I must live my life with Him and in Him – never separated from Him.  Every day must be lived in the light of the accounting which I shall have to face in eternity.  I must not set foot in any place from which I cannot joyfully take the next step into eternity.”

    Charleen’s Story

    There was a moment in my story with God when I thought there was “But a step between me and death.”

    On Valentine’s Day, 2022 I woke up in a hospital room.  I was surprised- as I expected to wake up in heaven.  I was prepared to wake up in heaven. Three days earlier I was diagnosed with a golf-ball sized tumor in the right ventricle of my brain. 

    As I laid in the hospital bed after surgery, I didn’t open my eyes.  I could hear the hustle and bustle of a hospital room.  Nurses were so attentive and gentle.  I didn’t open my eyes because I didn’t want them to know I was awake yet.  I needed some time to grasp the fact that I lived- I was ALIVE! I needed time alone to process this reality with my Savior.

    Tears flowed down my cheeks as I praised my Lord.  I didn’t have to leave my beloved husband and family.  I could think clearly, and my body seemed normal.  God had graciously granted me more time on earth and guided a skilled doctor as he cut through my brain to remove the tumor.

    I finally opened my eyes and greeted the world.  For three days following my diagnosis, I had prayed earnestly that God’s will would be done and that He would take care of my loved ones.  I don’t know why but I never prayed that He would let me live.  I only wanted God’s will. 

    It has now been two years and I have finally figured out why I didn’t ask the Lord to let me live.  I was not sure what life would look like after invasive brain surgery and I was overwhelmed. But I had total peace that God would know and do best, no matter what.  He would take care of my family.  Surprisingly, I slept well those three nights before surgery and counted my blessings.

    Mind Stayed on God

    Isaiah 26:3 ‘’You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”

    In a culture filled with lies and deceptions, I can assuredly say this verse is true- I have been there.

    -Charleen Bichel-

    What about you? Have you ever faced something that should rationally cause fear, yet experienced God’s perfect peace that surpassed all understanding? We’d love to hear your story too!

    READ MORE

  • A Knife in the Surgeon’s Hands

    “The difference between a knife in the hand of an assassin and a knife in the hand of a surgeon is intent; both inflict severe pain.” Walter Henrichsen

    Trusting the Surgeon

    I recently drove my stepdad to Colorado for an exploratory heart procedure. It wasn’t the first time we’d driven several hours seeking the “best” surgeon for a risky procedure. It takes great trust in the “one holding the knife” when we willingly surrender momentary control of our lives to another person. And trusting your surgeon doesn’t necessarily limit the pain, lesson the risks, or guarantee the outcome you desire. But it does render peace- a peace you wouldn’t know if you didn’t trust the wisdom and intent of the person holding the scapple.

    “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on you, because he trusts in you.

    Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is our everlasting strength.”

    Isaiah 26:3

    Trusting God

    I think it’s fair to assume we typically won’t allow someone to inflict severe pain on us unless we believe it will produce something beneficial. It’s scary to surrender control and trust another with your life. Yet, as a Christian, trusting God is not optional, it’s essential.

    It’s not difficult to say we trust God. It’s easy to sing songs with choruses like “Take my life and let it be, consecrated, Lord, to thee…” or “All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give, I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.” However, when pain becomes our unwanted companion it’s a little harder to trust.

    When the word “cancer” spills from the doctor’s mouth; when an accident changes our life forever; when our wombs remain empty despite prayers and procedures; when the pain ripping through our bodies is never-ending; when our closest friends betray us; when we’re swallowed up in debt and can’t see an end in sight; when our children are prodigals despite our best efforts and countless prayers; when our husbands leave- either by choice or God takes them home; and when circumstances leave us with questions that will never be answered, our emotions can blur the truths we know about God.

    Knowing God

    The only way to trust God is to know God. The only way to know God is to spend time with Him- in His Word, in prayer and in worship. And when we fix our eyes on eternal truths, we see beyond our finite understanding.

    We see a God who is trustworthy and good. We see a Savior who willingly suffered and died to secure our eternal hope. We realize that nothing comes into our lives without being permitted by our sovereign God who intends everything to be used for our good. It is when our circumstances force us to completely surrender our lives to God that we experience a peace that transcends all understanding. It makes no sense. But it’s true. Once you’ve experienced this peace it’s undeniable.

    We understand what it means to trust a doctor. When surgery is inevitable, we willingly surrender our lives to those skilled to repair our broken bodies and preserve our lives.

    When fears grip us, doubts chase us, and dreams evade us, we only have one viable option. We must choose to trust our God.

    Assassin or Surgeon?

    His perfect plan for our lives will likely include pain, trials and suffering. Yet, the purpose of the pain isn’t to cause harm, but to cause healing. Just as the surgeon intends to accomplish something good from our temporary pain, so does our God. As a doctor is skilled to fix what is broken, God’s knowledge and skills to bring forth healing far exceed the most renown surgeons. His wisdom is infinite.

    He takes no pleasure in our pain but comforts us through it and knows the beauty beyond it.

    Are you trusting God today, as you would a surgeon or have you believed the lie that He is an assassin? Take time today to reflect on His faithfulness, provision and tender-loving care for you. Choose to see past your tear-stained eyes and trust our good, good Father.

    READ MORE

  • Refuge Under His Wings

    “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.”

    Psalm 91:1

    Abiding in His Shadow

    Psalm 91 has always been one of my favorite psalms because of the beautiful imagery that describes our God, and the rich meaning of the psalmist’s words. The opening verse “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty” translated with biblical definitions means: “The one who sits for a long time with the Almighty God will permanently reside under His divine protection.”

    Refuge Under His Wings

    The psalmist describes God’s feathers and wings as providing refuge for His children. This image relays a comforting truth that nothing touches our lives without first being filtered through the sovereign hands of our Lord.

    No Fear

    The psalm mentions terrors at night, arrows by day, danger and pestilences that stalk us. Yet we are told we will not fear these things.

    Then the caveat to not fearing these dangers is reiterated when the psalmist redefines the audience. They are “those who have made the Lord their dwelling place.”

    Angel’s Protecting Us

    Our God knows our beginning and our end. His protection over our lives is both physical and spiritual. He personally protects us, and He orders His angels to do the same. His will and His ways are perfect.

    The psalm ends with God’s words of assurance to those who know Him. He promises to hear, deliver, and satisfy us.

    With Us in Trouble

    But most importantly, He promises to be with us in trouble. We are surrounded by trouble, but God is constantly surrounding us.

    The one who dwells with the Lord proclaims Him to be the “One in whom I trust.” The psalmist trusts God because he knows God. He knows God because he knows God’s Word and constantly communes with Him. His trust in God is not because he won’t have trouble but because he knows he will never face trouble alone.

    God’s presence is the ultimate, never-changing promise. And nothing is more comforting than understanding this reality. The world induces anxiety but knowing God eliminates fear.

    Sweet sister, I encourage you to open God’s word and sit with Him today. Let the words of truth penetrate your weary heart and the wonder of His beauty comfort your longing soul. Begin today in Psalm 91.

    READ MORE

  • Extravagant Love

    Her love for Jesus was as extravagant as the expensive perfume she poured on His feet. The sweet fragrance that filled the air displayed her understanding of who Jesus was and what He had come to do. On the contrary, her critic lacked both love and understanding.

    Beneath the Surface

    Jesus saw beneath the surface of the man who appeared to be righteous and the woman who appeared to be foolish. He knew the man’s expressed concern for the poor was a facade. He knew the woman’s “brazen” act was indicative of a humble and grateful heart. The mocking and chastising of the woman didn’t conceal the envious, wicked heart of the man. He may have fooled others, but he didn’t fool Jesus. The woman spared no expense to honor Jesus. She didn’t consider the cost to her pocketbook or her reputation. The man carelessly exchanged fellowship with God for a meager 30 pieces of silver. Judas of Iscariot was his name, Mary (of Bethany) was hers.

    At His Feet

    Mary of Bethany has always captivated me. She’s not as well-known as other biblical figures, yet I appreciate her because each time she is mentioned in Scripture she is found in the same place- at the feet of Jesus Christ. When Mary is first mentioned in Luke 10:38 she is at His feet intently listening and learning from Him (much to her sister, Martha’s dismay). The next time Mary appears (John 11:32) she falls at His feet weeping after the death of her brother, Lazarus. The final time we see Mary is the scene mentioned above. She’s found at Jesus’ feet using her hair and a bottle of very expensive perfume to honor the One she knew to be the Messiah.

    Jesus Defends Mary

    Like many of us, who love Jesus Christ, Mary had critics. The first was her sister, Martha. In Luke 10:38-41 Jesus goes to the home of Lazarus, Martha and Mary for dinner. While Martha is distracted by dinner preparations, Mary is described as being at the Lord’s feet, listening to Him. Martha asked Jesus to tell Mary to come help her prepare dinner. Jesus responded by saying, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Jesus’ spoke tenderly to Martha, but His words packed a punch!

    Jesus defended Mary again in John 12. This was the occasion when Mary anointed Jesus’ feet with perfume. A room full of people smelled the intense fragrance and witnessed this act. Judas Iscariot quickly and publicly rebuked her. There’s no record of Mary acknowledging or reacting to his criticism. Instead, Jesus responded to this rebuke. His tone in this response is much harsher. He said, “Leave her alone. She did this in preparation for my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.”

    Fully Devoted

    Despite the criticism Mary endured, there’s not a single record of her defending herself. There was no need for her to do so. The time she spent at Jesus’ feet equipped her with understanding and the ability to forsake the idols of this world. She wasn’t ashamed of her zeal for the Lord. Mary wasn’t trying to please people or protect her reputation. She was intent on loving her Lord fully and living a life that honored Him. The voices mocking her were muted. The gift of gazing upon the beauty of Jesus’ face far outweighed anything this world had to offer.

    Only Jesus

    The only face Mary saw in these moments was Jesus Christ.

    The only words she heard were those of Jesus Christ.

    The only person she cared to honor was her Lord, Jesus Christ.

    Outpouring

    Because Mary poured her heart and soul into knowing and learning from Jesus, she gained understanding many others missed. When she poured her sorrow and tears at His feet, she knew Him to be the only One whose presence would bring healing. And when she poured a bottle of expensive perfume at His feet, she knew it would never compare in value to the blood He would soon pour out on the cross.

    Mary wasn’t much different than you and me. She was an ordinary woman with an extraordinary faith. She clung to Jesus’s every word. And when her heart was broken, she wept at His feet. She knew the power of His presence, never wavered from truth. She valued honoring her Lord more than anything this world had to offer. And don’t miss how Jesus responded to Mary’s extravagant love. He praised her devotion, wept with her and defended her.

    To my dear sisters, who are on the receiving end of criticism for your devotion to Jesus Christ, I encourage you to hold fast. He knows your heart and that of those who bite and devour you. There will come a day when He will silence your critics and defend your name. Until then, never be afraid to unashamedly give Him everything you have. Keep your eyes constantly fixed on the One who has perfectly loved you and always will.

    READ MORE

  • Hope Anchored in Heaven (Part 2)

    “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.”
    Psalm 90:12
    “Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.”
    Psalm 90:14

    “He’s a dead man walking. I give him 4-6 months -at most.”

    Through a quavering voice, my dad conveyed this prognosis from a pathologist who didn’t mince words when he shared this with his general practitioner. The pathologist was wrong about the timing but right about the fact that this cancer would end my dad’s life.

    He was only 59 years old when this grim news shattered his (our) world. A diagnosis like this is the fear that taunts us in the night. The “what if” that comes to fruition. It’s where the “rubber meets the road” in our faith. And it’s where we truly discover if our satisfaction and hope are grounded in a God who loves us or in the temporary pleasures of this life.

    My dad called cancer a fraternity he was forced to join. It instantly connected him to thousands of people who had gone before him and those suffering the same fate alongside him. When you join this “fraternity” doctors carefully and constantly prepare you for the toll it will take on your body.

    But a death sentence affects much more than your body.

    It forces you on a spiritual journey as well. Regardless of what you believe about life after death, it ultimately causes a transfer of hope- from the temporal to the eternal.

    I remember very clearly the day I saw my dad’s hope shift from a cure on this side of heaven to a longing for what awaited him on the other side of heaven. After 8 years of battling this disease, celebrating victories, recovering from disappointments, and wrestling with the unknowns, he asked me to visit him at his home in another state. The first morning, he saw me reading my Bible and sat with me. As our conversation ensued, he asked me to share with him every verse I could find about what heaven and his new body would be like.

    We spent a week combing the scriptures and, oddly, found great hope- even excitement for what his eyes would soon see and his soul would soon experience.

    We had rich conversations about his life – his greatest joys and deepest regrets. We laughed, we cooked, and we cried together. I often revisit in my mind that time together and thank God for the gift He gave me that week.

    The assurance of those left behind.

    I once heard a pastor say the greatest gift we can leave our families is the assurance of our salvation. I agree.

    This week was a blessed gift – greater than any extravagant gift my dad ever gave me. I honestly don’t know when my dad decided he believed the Gospel. It may have been when he was a child growing up in church, it may have been in adulthood, or it could have been ushered in through this terrible disease.

    But I do know that during this week, I watched a peace wash over him that surpassed all understanding. And that peace was evidence that he trusted the words we read together to be true.

    Life is riddled with heartache and pain.

    We engage in a constant dance, partnering with grief and joy. No one escapes this shuffle, which is why it is essential to seek and find truth about God and eternity.

    Nine years after his diagnosis, my dad exchanged this earthly dwelling for his eternal home. He left this world with peace – peace of an eternal joy that far outweighs anything this world has to offer. He believed Jesus was the stairway between earth and heaven. He anticipated the day that his pain-riddled body would be replaced with one untouched by disease. And he longed for a warm embrace from the One whose nail-pierced hands prepared a place for him.

    This is blessed hope.

    It’s anchored above but felt within. It permeates every fiber of our being and filters all the news we fear.

    It allows us to sing in our deepest sorrow and know satisfaction apart from our circumstances because of God’s unfailing love. And the beauty of this hope is that it is freely given to all who choose to believe and love the One whose life, death, and resurrection made it possible.

    READ MORE

  • Hope Anchored in Heaven (Part 1)

    “I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!” Psalm 116:1-2

    Have you ever known deep despair? The kind that leaves you so utterly sad you don’t know if you can survive, or even if you want to…..

    I knew this feeling in January of 1996. About two years before this, I was told I had severe endometriosis and my chances were slim that I’d be able to conceive a child. For as long as I could remember, I wanted a home full of children. My husband and I began trying to have a child immediately after we were married. Every month for 18 months that dream slowly disappeared at the start of my monthly cycle.

    This unfulfilled longing had taken a toll on me. And one night in desperation, I told God if I couldn’t have children, I didn’t want to live. I couldn’t bear the thought of my life without children. Deferred hope had broken my heart. I went to bed that night with tear-stained eyes.

    “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” C.S. Lewis

    In my deepest sorrow, God spoke hope into my hopelessness.

    That very night I had a dream. Someone was knocking on my door, so I went to the door and opened it. Waiting on the other side of that door was a beautiful baby boy. I asked God if this was my child. I don’t remember if the voice was audible or just understood by my soul, but the answer was this. “Yes, it is. And he’s coming soon.” I immediately awoke with overwhelming wonder and a revived spirit. Hope burst through my despair that night. And sure enough, by the end of that year, we welcomed our newborn son into this world.

    The same year I became a mother, I also became a child – God’s child.

    I often reflect on that year as a time when God gave me hope for something temporal (a child) but He also taught me something invaluable about eternal hope. For as long as I could remember, I believed in God. But this was the year I came to KNOW God, and that was primarily motivated by the realization that the God of this universe, who simply spoke the world into existence, actually knew and loved me. Had I not had that dream, I would have discovered I was expecting a baby within a few months. God knew that. He also knew my heart. He knew I was seeking truth, which ultimately meant I was seeking Him.

    pink background with text "Our God draws near to the broken-heated, those with contrite spirits and those who sincerely seek Him"

    The miracles Jesus performed when He walked this earth all had one purpose. They assured those seeking truth that He was the Messiah, sent from the Father. He was “God with us.” His miracles affirmed truth. The miracles astonished and blessed many people, but they primarily affected temporal circumstances. They vanished with the life of the recipients. But those who weren’t content with earthly comfort sought the source of the miracles. They looked past the things of this world to clearly see Jesus. They believed that He wasn’t only the source of earthly miracles but more importantly, the source of eternal hope.

    The dream He gave me that night, affirmed to me that Jesus really was who He claimed to be.

    God has never dwelled solely in the high heavens but has always chosen to dwell with His people. He isn’t an aloof God who stands at a distance, but a God who draws near to the broken-hearted, those with contrite spirits and those who sincerely seek Him. He isn’t a God who ignores our pleas or despises our tears. On the contrary, He is a God who hears our prayers, gathers our tears and reaches down from heaven to rescue us and give us hope. This is our God.

    Since that night, I’ve never again doubted God’s existence or His presence with me. But I’ve also never again placed my hope for contentment in anything this world has to offer. There is nothing better than knowing, savoring, and loving Jesus Christ. I will forever be grateful for every child God has given me to mother. My delight in motherhood has only been surpassed by my delight in Jesus. He isn’t merely a source of temporal happiness. He’s the foundation of my joy in this life. But more importantly, He is the anchor of my hope for all eternity.

    Walking intimately with Him for 26 years has shifted my hope from earth to heaven. And I now know there is nothing I could lack in this life that would leave me hopeless or nothing I could gain in this life that would compare to the priceless joy of knowing Jesus.

    READ MORE

  • Let Your Fantasies Be Complete

    A Plea to my Brothers-in-Christ.

    Her story wasn’t unique. Being involved in women’s ministry for 20 years has unfortunately lent me the opportunity to informally counsel other women in her shoes. And yet, it pierced my heart and compelled me to write her story as a plea for men to understand how devastating porn, even “soft porn” is to your brides.

    She and her husband had just spent a wonderful week vacating in a beautiful town they’d longed to visit for a while. They had a flight to catch the next morning. Her husband was sleeping beside her, but she was restless. She thought she’d kill some time reading, but her phone was dead, so she grabbed her husband’s phone. He had mentioned a news story he’d read earlier so she opened his “history” and found it listed. But something else caught her eye. It was a tab under “history” titled “hidden.” That piqued her interest, but what she discovered broke her heart.

    The first item was an article written by a female prostitute where she opened a venue for people to ask her anything. As you can imagine, the questions were raunchy and explicit. She boasted about her ability to please married men in ways their wives could not.

    Although my friend’s heart was racing and tears were forming in her eyes, she continued to scroll her husband’s “hidden” items which included more erotic articles, and images of scantily dressed women. The final blow was several pictures of the same beautiful woman undressed.

    She didn’t know what to do, but she knew her marriage would never be the same again. This was her best friend. The man she trusted with everything. She didn’t keep secrets from him. She’d never succumbed to the temptation to view porn or lust after other men. Her love for her husband and fear of the Lord prevented her from viewing such things. And now, because of her husband’s sin, her eyes saw things she’d never forget.

    When she confronted him, he immediately deleted the news app on his phone and apologized profusely. He told her he rarely looked at these things and opened them out of curiosity when they appeared under a “trending” or “popular” tab. She sobbed herself to sleep that night, not knowing if she’d ever be able to trust her husband again.

    I’ll never forget the tears in her beautiful eyes as she told me her story. She was crushed, embarrassed, cautious, and confused. She was a broken shell, lacking the vibrance and joy that usually exuded from her. Frankly, it made me angry. Angry because I’m tired of this story.

    Various sources have reported that over 60% of men, including those who profess to be Christians, have admitted to regularly viewing porn. I’ve heard these statistics before, but what struck me after my conversation with my friend, is that roughly half of the women in our sanctuaries on Sunday mornings are suffering (or will be) with the same feelings my friend shared with me. I’ve known about multiple accountability and support groups for men and women struggling with porn addiction. But I’ve never heard or seen any support groups for their spouses, the victims of this sin. These women (and sometimes men) often feel embarrassed by their spouse’s sexual sin and want to protect his reputation, so they suffer in silence.

    On behalf of those victims, I’d like to make a plea to my brothers-in-Christ who continue to profess Christianity and choose to view porn or lust after women other than their wives. And when I use the word “porn” I don’t only refer to viewing people having sex. I’m talking about viewing something that produces a natural consequence of lust, including reading erotica or viewing pictures of women undressed or partially dressed but leaving little to the imagination.

    A pastor once shared with me instructions he received from his mentor regarding adultery. It was brilliant advice, so I’d like my plea to you to begin here.

    Let your fantasies be complete. In other words, if you choose to fantasize about sex with people other than your spouse, don’t let the fantasy end with sex. Walk your mind all the way through the consequences of your fantasy.

    Here are a few suggestions of realistic consequences to help you complete those fantasies:

    Know that your relationship with your wife will change forever. First, she will be furious with you. Then she will be deeply wounded by your betrayal. Your apology will fall on deaf ears, not because she doesn’t want to believe you, but because she can’t. Your words have proven to be futile. The foundation of trust that is necessary for relationships to thrive will disappear and may never return. You may convince yourself that you haven’t committed adultery. But to your wife, it will produce the same sting of betrayal that adultery causes.

    Intimacy with your wife will lack vulnerability. Sex was designed by God as the sole act that makes husband and wife become one – both physically and emotionally. When you invite another person into that sacred act, (even if it’s just in your mind) you violate the purpose and beauty of sexual intimacy in marriage.

    When your wife realizes what you’ve done, she will probably continue to have a physical desire for you, but she won’t want you to touch her. She will no longer allow herself to be vulnerable with you, which means she will not give herself freely and completely to you. When the two of you are intimate, she will wonder whose face you are seeing, and whose body you are imagining when you close your eyes.  She may “go through the motions” but will do it with a wounded and guarded heart.

    Your bride’s spirit will be crushed, and her confidence will be shattered.  After your sin is exposed, your bride will look in the mirror and see every fault. She will compare her body shape, measurements, curves, or lack thereof to the images she found on your phone. Oftentimes she will feel ugly, inadequate, embarrassed, and unworthy. She will randomly cry during the day and often cry herself to sleep. You will see some of her tears and deeply desire to take away her pain. Yet, you will be burdened with the guilt of knowing you are the one who caused her tears. You will beg her to believe you when you tell her she is beautiful and loved deeply by you, but she won’t. A hundred apologies will not erase the damage you’ve done to her spirit.

    She will forgive but she may never trust you again. She will try to trust you but at times it will feel like an impossible task. Oftentimes, she will see you on your phone and wonder what you’re looking at. When you come home late from work, she will suspect things she never did before. When you don’t answer her calls, her imagination will run wild. You will spend the rest of your married life trying to regain her trust and repair what you’ve broken. She will love you again, but that love will lack assurance of your faithfulness, which separates marital unity.

    If you are truly men of God, it’s safe to assume you don’t desire to inflict this type of pain on your bride or sabotage your marriage. In times when you struggle with the temptation to lust after other women, please consider the truths we know from God’s Word. If you have the Holy Spirit in you, you have the very power of God to overcome temptation.

    You are not a slave to sin. You have the power to control what you allow yourself to see, what your mind thinks about, and what you do with your body. Sexual sin doesn’t control you; it is something you willingly choose to do. And sexual sin does not have a special exemption from these words Paul penned to the Corinthian church.

    “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Cor 10:13.  

    Choose the way of escape. All too often, we coddle people caught up in porn addiction and justify this incredibly damaging sin. Brothers, please hold one another accountable and stop believing the lies that the very One who created you didn’t give you the ability to deny yourself some earthly passions. Men and women alike were created with sexual desires. And we are all told to flee from temptations that do not edify our marriages, our churches, and our testimonies of who we are as image-bearers of Jesus Christ. God provides an escape when we are tempted. It is our responsibility to choose that escape. Walking in the light requires sacrifice. We aren’t called to do something God will not enable us to do.

    Fear the Lord. We all know the temptation to seek sexual gratification outside of our marital unions. But one thing I’ve known personally and seen in many women over the years is that they refuse to allow that temptation to lead them into sin – not only because of their love and respect for you but also because of a sincere fear of the Lord. He sees ALL things, even the things your spouse may never see. It takes a humble, reverent spirit to recognize His presence and use it to spur you on to do the good things He created you to do AND to refuse to succumb to the sins that led Jesus to the cross.

    The damage the porn industry and our brazen sexual culture has done to marriages is unfathomable. It’s a battering ram the enemy of our souls uses to constantly tempt our physiological needs. It’s a lie that will never replicate the beauty of intimacy in a marriage. But it’s not all-powerful, like the God who lives inside of us is. We cannot control what the world around us accepts, but we have the power to protect our marriages by refusing to partake.

    If you find yourself viewing something that you’d intentionally hide from your wife’s eyes, be aware that these actions will likely destroy the very home you desire to build. I’ll conclude with these final words of warning: If you continue to treat women as though they are nothing more than bodies, in the end, that’s the only thing they’ll be able to give you. But if you esteem your brides, cherish their love, and honor them with loyalty, your marriage will flourish, and you will both be fully satisfied enjoying God-ordained intimacy with one another.

    READ MORE

  • A Storm, The Light, Our Story

    “There is never a majestic mountain without a deep valley, and there is no birth without pain.” Daniel Crawford.

    There was a day several months ago when I wept. I cried like I haven’t cried since my dad passed away eight years ago. A floodgate opened and I couldn’t close it. Every direction I looked that morning revealed loss- broken bodies, bleeding hearts, flaring tempers, empty chairs, and strained relationships among people I deeply cared about.

    This load was too heavy for me to carry. I didn’t know what to do with all this pain, so I asked my Lord for help. I was at the end of myself – which is often where we recognize our desperate and constant need of a Savior. God gently and faithfully lifted my eyes to Him and gave my heart reason to hope again.

    I couldn’t see a reason for hope in this situation. But I knew that my ‘eye-sight’ was not the same as my God’s. His wisdom is infinite – mine is finite and tainted with life experiences, emotions, and sin. I knew He could be trusted. So, one by one, I handed Him my tears – surrendering my will in this situation. I exchanged it for intimacy with my Lord who’d suffered far worse. It wasn’t easy but it was freeing. I left that room knowing this was the beginning of something new. One small act of faithfulness resulted in absolute peace. I didn’t know where My God was leading me, but I knew with certainty I would never walk alone.

    What Lies Beneath

    My husband loves to flyfish for large, ugly, stinky carp at a reservoir close to our home. (Not to provide a meal for the family, but to catch and release.) The problem with this type of fishing is that there are only two conditions where the fish can be seen and therefore, caught. The first is after a storm – which causes everything to be chaotic initially but then settle into a peaceful stillness. The second is light. The sun has to return from behind the clouds and shine directly above the water to reveal what’s under the surface. The storms cause both chaos and stillness. The light reveals what’s under the surface. Likewise, it can often take both a ‘storm’ and the One True Light to expose what’s underneath the surface of each of us.

    A Forced Reset

    The past couple of years have exposed the prevalence of sin, pain, sorrow, fear, discouragement, and hopelessness in our world and our churches. These things have always been part of this life, but a global pandemic followed by intense racial battles, unprecedented political divisions, and reported abuses in the Church have illuminated darkness. We’ve seen the vanity of this life. It’s been challenging to not get weighed down with the heaviness of the past couple of years – to feel as I felt the day I wept – when all I could see was loss.

    Although I believe it is healthy to grieve our losses, I don’t believe God wants us to stay in that season of grief or hopelessness. Instead, I believe 2020 ushered in a far greater purpose for God’s children. It has authenticated the Church by refining us individually and exposing sins that were always bound to be revealed because we serve a God of Truth. These circumstances have caused many of us to closely examine what we believe and why we believe it, and to ask ourselves how we can make a difference for God’s glory in this post-modern, post-2020 world.

    The intensity of the past couple of years forced us to examine and apply our Biblical worldview with constant adversity. And although I’ve known great disappointment, I’ve also seen true beauty in women who (like me) were tired of superficiality and longing for meaningful relationships. There’s been a forced awareness that life is fleeting, and that only the things we do for Christ will last. I’ve cherished loyalty, honesty, and kindness like never before. And I’ve thanked God that He saw fit to include ‘encouragement’ as a Spiritual gift. People who used that gift to edify Christ’s body in this season were lifesavers.

    The Dance of Joy and Sorrow

    The fellowship I’ve had with women as we’ve walked through trials has been undeniably painful but also incredibly meaningful. God comforts us in our heartaches so that we may extend that same tender-loving care to others when they suffer. This life is a constant dance between joy and sorrow. We love and we lose, we laugh and we cry, we sing and we fall silent, we wrestle and we surrender. Yet, through it all we must persevere. That perseverance is what ultimately strengthens our character and sanctifies our souls. And the closer we walk with Jesus, the more we desire to become like Him, which includes a longing for deep friendships and authentic conversations. This is precisely where our story began.

    Several conversations sharing our hearts with one another led a couple of my friends and me to intentionally seek God’s will for a new ministry. We were astonished when doors were unexpectantly opened, and with the realization that we were like-minded regarding what and who we believed God wanted this ministry created for. ‘She’ is a woman we have each been, and ‘she’ may be you right now. We loved ‘her’ so much that we finally “took a leap of faith” in July of 2022.

    Kris Katzmann, Sarah Hamilton, and I launched Women of The Way. Our goal is to share our stories of suffering and hope, living, learning, growing, and walking in the ways of our glorious God. Our desire is that our writings and podcasts will be authentic, filled with genuine joy, encouraging, helpful, and thought-provoking. Because whether we are currently living through a tumultuous storm or resting in the stillness of God’s grace, we always need assurance of our blessed hope. We need friends who point us to truth and encourage our weary hearts.

    It is often our greatest pain that births our greatest joy. And there is no greater joy than walking together in the way our precious Lord has led us. We’d love for you to join us on this pilgrimage!

    READ MORE

  • The Waiting Room: He Sees Beyond

    Yesterday I sat in a waiting room.

    I sat there a very long time waiting for my name to be called. As I sat there, I read the forms they gave me to sign. If you’ve ever had a surgical procedure, you’ve signed these forms. They explain in detail every possible thing that can go wrong during or after your procedure.

    You sign your name indicating you understand the risks. This is when my instinct to “flee” usually kicks in.

    I panicked for a minute and started weighing my options for escape.

    A gentleman was in this waiting room with me. He must have sensed my anxiety, because he looked at me and said, “This is the worst part…the waiting.”

    I agreed with him then added, “Well, hopefully, this is the worst part.”

    He thought for a moment then responded by saying, “True. If this is the worst part, then it will be worth the wait.” His name was called, and I was left alone in a cold waiting room, pondering his statement.

    Medical waiting rooms are not fun. But sometimes an even harder waiting room to be in is God’s waiting room.

    As women, we spend a lot of time in this room.

    We offer our prayers to our Heavenly Father then we wait.

    • We wait for the gift of motherhood, or
    • For our prodigals to return.
    • We wait for our dreams to come true.
    • We wait for a husband or
    • wait for God to turn our husband’s heart to Him.
    • We wait for healing or
    • Relief from the trials of this life.

    Often, we send God our prayers and then we try to snatch back control instead of waiting.

    If you’re in His waiting right now, I encourage you to trust Him, in the same way I had to trust Him yesterday. All I could see were white walls and fear-inducing forms. But God knew on the other side of the waiting room I’d have a procedure that was necessary and beneficial.

    Unlike us, He sees beyond the waiting room.

    If you’re waiting right now, there are things you don’t know. Cling to what you do know.

    • God is very good at being God.
    • He knows what you need before you ask Him.
    • There’s purpose in and beyond the waiting room.

    If waiting in this life is the worst part, it will be worth it when prayers are answered.

    Life Application

    Keep bringing your requests to the Lord and trust Him with the results on the other side of the waiting room.

    READ MORE