It’s often been said that experience is the best teacher. We can read about something, listen to advice, follow a promised formula, but often it is our own experience that best teaches us.
Sometimes we just have to experience the pain of the lesson in order to learn. Hopefully, we’ll be a quick study and not repeat the behavior that led to the lesson. But if you’re like me, there have been a few lessons on repeat. One of the biggest is learning the difference between expectation and expectancy.
We all have expectations. That feeling that something should happen a certain way, at a certain time, in the manner we think it should happen. That’s expectation.
The Holidays are a perfect example of this. How many times have you pictured in your mind the “perfect” Thanksgiving or Christmas only to be let down? Expectations can often lead to disappointment. Disappointment can lead to anger. Anger can lead to… you see the pattern. Things can go south quickly.
Experience versus expectancy
Experience has taught me that expectations are rooted in what I want. Expectancy on the other hand is not. It’s like having expectations without demands or definitions. It’s freeing. It looks forward with a sense of hope, trusting that something wonderful will happen.
I love how Christian writer, Laurie Coombs, defines the two.
“Expectation says, ‘God, I expect you will do X.’ It says, ‘God, I expect you do X in a certain way.’ Expectancy says, ‘Lord, I don’t know how or what you will do, but I know you will do something, and I know it will be good.’ God always does something good. He is continually working in and through our lives.”
Laurie Coombs
This Christmas will be the first that my husband and I will celebrate without our children. As recent empty nesters, we’ve reached the milestone where our children are unable to come home for the holidays. I really could get trapped up in expectations here.
Experience has taught me that I have choices in this moment.
- I can bemoan the separation of my family and harbor resentment.
- I can pretend I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Really…I’m fine!
- I can choose a spirit of expectancy, trusting that this time alone with my husband will bring its own blessing and fun.
As you enter into this Christmas season, perhaps you too are facing unmet expectations, fear of discord, or grieving the loss of a loved one. Maybe you’ve created a Hallmark Christmas in your mind.
Whatever the case, I’d invite you to let go of your expectations and enter the season with a hope that Christ will do something good for you during this time.
I have chosen a Bible verse for the Christmas season to help keep me in this expectancy mindset.
It’s Ephesians 3:20 (ESV): Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.
I am confident that by the grace of God, my mind can keep the miracle of Christ’s birth at the forefront of all celebration this season. And I pray with expectancy that He will do the same for you.
Merry Christmas!
