In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1. That’s a big beginning! We have a big God who is powerful and sustains the whole world. He requires a lot of us in our holy living, yet he provides the means for us to live holy. All of the grace and strength needed.
That’s quite the paradox for one to wrap her mind around. As someone who likes lists and checking the boxes to feel accomplished, and as one who desires to please this big God, I had fallen into the trap of making my pursuit of Jesus more about my efforts and less about his grace.
Years ago, this battle came to a head one morning on the floor of my bedroom where I sat angrily crying before God. I argued before him, “I’m doing all that I can. I try my best to live as you tell me to live, so then why….” and I fired off my list.
I was throwing a fit, to be honest, and I was getting nowhere.
Then I opened my Bible. I read Mark 5:21-43 which recounts Jesus’ healing of the woman who bled for twelve years straight (believed to be Mary Magdeline) and the restoration of life to the daughter of the synagogue leader, Jairus.
Now one would think that upon reading Jesus’ response to Mary in verse 34, “Daughter, your faith has made you well, Go in peace. Your suffering is over.” and his response to Jairus in verse 36, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith,” I would have felt encouraged, perhaps even happy.
But that was not my experience initially.
My heart focused on verse 43 where Jesus gave strict orders to Jairus, his wife, and the three disciples who witnessed the girl’s resurrection to remain silent about her healing. And I was mad! Really mad!
“I just don’t get you!” I fired off at God. “You tell us to witness and testify about you and then here you tell them to be silent?” I sat there sobbing.
In a small still voice, I heard, “Some things are just for you.”
The tenderness and mercy that fell over me were overwhelming. Some things this big God does are just for me. For me. No one else.
This God, HUGE God, who created the whole world and loves the whole world really does care for me individually. I wept as I imagine Mary may have at the news that she was healed. The tenderness of God was overwhelming and my anger couldn’t stand in face of it.
Time with the Lord that morning revealed more as he confronted my tendency to live more out of fear and control than out of pure trust in my Father.
It was a turning point in my faith.
And I have never been the same. Recounting this now brings me to tears again. Our God truly is the God who formed the heavens and the earth and in the same hands tenderly holds and leads our hearts.
I do hold some mercies of God to myself. They are just for me. And at the same time, I can proclaim here in full belief and honesty that this big powerful God who gently confronts me and tenderly guides me is more than willing to do the same for you.
Not just willing- desiring! He desires you. He desires to have a relationship with you and to lead you.
Perhaps like I was, you are trapped and living more out of fear and the desire to please or control than you are out of full trust in a fully trustworthy Father. Let me share the key to those chains. Hear these words as he gently beckons you.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11: 28-30
